Secret Eaters: Red House

Most food reviews are one-night stands - quick, superficial, and often regrettable. But not us. We commit. Our Secret Eaters have spent an entire month stealthily eating, drinking, and people-watching at Red House Pizzeria & Coffee Shop, ensuring this review is as fair, balanced, and calorie-loaded as it is honest.

The Vibe

Red House is cool - effortlessly cool, like a well-worn leather jacket or that friend who always seems one step ahead of the latest indie trend. And that’s no accident. Charlie Northedge, the man behind the magic, is a musician of considerable repute. Even when he’s off in Jersey running his other ventures, his presence lingers like a bassline you can feel long after the song has ended. Then there’s the unbeatable Shayne, Aga and Tanisha factor. These aren’t just staff; they’re hospitality wizards - friendly, knowledgeable, and so efficient they make you feel like a regular even if you’ve only just stumbled in, bleary-eyed and clutching your first coffee of the day. Customer service? Impeccable.

Drinks & Pastries

Sure, the coffee menu offers the usual suspects - lattes, flat whites, cortados - but the real star is undoubtedly the Dirty Chai. Rich, spicy, and just naughty enough, it’s the kind of brew that makes you reconsider every other coffee shop you’ve ever visited. And if you’re feeling adventurous, the blueberry matcha is either a stroke of genius or delicious madness.

On the pastry front, you’ll find your standard croissants and pain au chocolat, yet nothing compares to the almond croissant. Show up between 8:00 and 8:15AM, and you might just snag one straight from the oven. Then, there’s the chocolate chip banana bread; a gargantuan, dense slab of joy.

The Pizzas

Delicious and playfully named, the authentic Neapolitan style pizzas are arguably the best in Jersey. And, for those with dietary preferences every single pizza is also available in a gluten-free option, ensuring no one misses out on this feast of flavour.

The Margherita

With fresh mozzarella, fragrant basil, and a tomato sauce that might just convince you to forsake all other foods, this pizza is the very definition of class.

The American

Picture this: a tomato base, pepperoni, mozzarella, parmesan, and freshly torn basil. Simple, satisfying, and striking that perfect balance between salty, cheesy, and herby - like a vintage New York slice that actually has flavour.

Fat Tony’s

Pepperoni, chorizo, nduja—this pizza means business. It’s spicy, smoky, and unapologetically indulgent, like a clandestine meeting of culinary capos. One bite, and you might just start speaking in hushed, conspiratorial tones.

Krafty J’s Special

Yes, it has pineapple. And yes, we endorse it. These aren’t the wilted, watery chunks of your childhood nightmares - these are bold, juicy, chunky pieces of tropical rebellion, mingling with mozzarella and ham in a sweet, salty, glorious chaos.

Final Verdict

Red House isn’t merely a place to eat - it’s a state of mind. Whether you’re in it for the coffee, the pastries, or a pizza that might just redefine your existence, this spot delivers. Secret Eaters approved.

See you at Red House, West Centre.